Anyone want to be my last-minute valentine?

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Hey! What's up? How are you? ...Oh really? That's good to hear. How was that recent important event and/or life decision? ...Are you serious? She said that? What a bitch. Don't let her get you down, she's just jealous anyway...Oh goodness, where are my manners? Can I get you something to drink? ...No?... Well why the hell not? Are my drinks not good enough for you? I'm sorry I can't afford your fancy-ass mineral spring water. Seriously, $5 for a bottle of that shit? I could literally go pour tap water in a bottle and you wouldn't know the difference. You know what? Fuck you and your pretentious bullshit. I'm not having this conversation right now. Get the fuck out of here.

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